Personal Identity and Connection
TLDR
(too long, didn’t read)Exploring Personal Identity: Delving into the intricacies of personal identity, I examine the diverse perspectives and the absence of a universal definition, pondering the implications of rigid labels on individual and communal understanding.
Philosophical Notions of Identity: I consider the philosophical theories surrounding personal identity (PI), from personhood to biological continuity, questioning what truly defines an individual and how these concepts shape our self-perception.
Challenges of Over-Identification: Reflecting on the dangers of over-identifying with transient thoughts and emotions, I discuss the inconsistency of the mind and advocate for a more detached perspective to promote self-compassion and acceptance.
Embracing Intentionality in Self-Definition: I discuss the importance of consciously defining who we aspire to be, considering the influence of biology, environment, and personal experiences, while reflecting on my own journey towards embracing connection and letting go of detachment.
Promoting Connection and Understanding: Sharing insights on fostering connection with others, I urge individuals to move beyond assumptions and labels to cultivate empathy and unity, especially in moments of loneliness or disconnection.
Give Me the Deets!
Give me the juicy detailsToday’s topic is personal identity and how we do or do not separate ourselves from others. I am fascinated by the contrast between how each of us experiences life in our individual perspectives, how we define ourselves, and the fact that most of us either do not have or do not agree on a universal definition of identity. In relation to this is how we label ourselves and others. While labeling is something we do automatically in order to distinguish between the self, others, and the world; I wonder what we gain or lose when we use labels in a rigid or fixed way? What would we gain individually and as a community if we were more aware and intentional about who we wanted to be and what we share in common with other people?
In philosophy, personal identity(PI) is connected to morality and ethics, and there is no definite answer that everyone has agreed on. Among topics that have been offered are that PI comes from: personhood(what makes a person), biological continuity(being in the same physical body through time), persistence, souls, a collection of mental states or memories, and the list goes on. You can read more about the philosophical theories of this topic here and here.
If you would rather not read, here is a short video summary of personal identity in philosophy.
What makes you, you? Is it that you remember being you through time (memory)? Is it a collection of traits, beliefs, or values you’ve held on to? Is it the body or brain you live in? Would you still be the same person if you lost all of your memories? What if your body was broken and science discovered a way to put your brain or consciousness into another body? In some inherent way, I think we sometimes want to say, “All of these things.” but I find this to be too much and not enough of a definition. Trivial and involuntary at best, but missing something I can’t quite put my finger on just yet.
Often we want to say who we are is the stream of consciousness or thought that we use to explain our experience from our perspectives (ego). Or we are the bundle of emotions that also happen in our physical bodies. The thing that strikes me as odd, is that we do not easily control either, and they are ever changing. Not that it is impossible to control certain aspects, but on average, we do not make it a life practice to train our brains how to think and feel about what we believe is important in life or who we want to be.
Have you ever involuntarily focused on something you didn’t want to for days, or wished to feel different but just couldn’t get out of a mood? Because the mind- whether in thought or emotion- is so inconsistent, it can be dangerous to over identify with your thoughts or emotions. In the past, this often left me despising myself and being generally miserable. Who wants to be defined by aspects of themselves that they do not like??? Saying that, it is something we do daily. However, if you stop to think about it, thoughts and feelings are simply passing states of being. To define ourselves by the best or worst thought or emotion we have ever had seems random. How do we decide what is most important and what isn’t, or how often we think or feel “positive” versus “negative” thoughts or emotions?
Most of us feel good about certain traits we possess or are less fond of parts of ourselves, whether physical, mental, or emotional. Each of us experiences a strange collection of thoughts, feelings, actions, memories, values, and often those are extremely influenced by biology, appearance, ability, life events, and our environments. If all of these are by chance or for the most part not consciously chosen, how often are we all living by a default setting? And how do we consciously maintain being intentional about what we want to believe and who we want to be
I realize this might echo some of my most recent posts, but I think my “art” is reflecting my existence at the moment. My question to myself most recently is “Who do I want to be?” Not focusing on the parts of myself that I do not like much, but the parts of future me. What are the things I can practice and embrace while letting go of things that just no longer work for me? After traveling to other countries, and especially Korea, I realized how much of my identity I placed in being an individual. America is very much a country that encourages individuality. But it was also clear that while I still love and cannot resist being corky, there was something missing in my own life in regard to connection to others.
While I have always been a compassionate person for other beings, I felt there was something in myself that was misunderstood or that was just never able to connect with others, including my closest family and friends. Eventually, I began to question what it was I was gaining from keeping myself in this state of feeling truly disconnected. The resounding answer I found was safety. I could never be hurt if I never put myself out there. While I voluntarily chose to keep myself disconnected, I could never really be rejected because I had always kept people at a distance. Ironically, this isn’t the post I set out to write when I started.
As opposed to bringing people together, I hope to encourage others to feel more connected. If not to the people who are directly next to you, then to one new person, maybe even someone you have had assumptions about. The Dalai Lama points out that when we feel separate from others, whether through pride or shame, we create an environment that feels unsafe and leaves us disconnected. If we look for ourselves and do not really know how to define ourselves, maybe other people aren’t so easy to label either. If we are all dynamic pieces of thought, emotion, and action, etc, what keeps us apart?
If you are feeling lonely today, on Valentine’s day, here is a list of things to maybe do.
Consider trying to change people less or at least not placing your happiness in others’ actions, thoughts and feelings.
Or practice Awe, Gratitude, and Altruism. Lastly, if meditation is not too far out there, consider a love & kindness meditation or one for self compassion.
Happy Valentine’s All of You Sexy Folks. I hope that you are your own Valentine today, before you are anyone else’s.
Love,
Astrid <3
