TLDR

(too long, didn’t read)

• Reflecting on Pursuit of Happiness: I delve into the complexities of seeking satisfaction amid societal pressures and my own inherent negativity biases.

• Feeding the Mind: I emphasize the importance of consciously consuming positive stimuli, drawing parallels between physical and mental nourishment.

• Exploring John Gottman's Relationship Insights: I discuss John Gottman's research on relationships, highlighting the need for multiple positive experiences to counteract negativity, and advocating for a deliberate focus on positivity.

• Critiquing Media's Influence: I advocate for actively choosing uplifting content and reducing exposure to negativity by critiquing the pervasive impact of marketing and media on consumer behavior.

• Well-being Enhancement Strategies: I share alternative approaches to boost my well-being, such as engaging in physical activity, nurturing relationships, and combating isolation, while reflecting on personal insights into cultivating gratitude and satisfaction amidst life's pursuits.

Give Me the Deets!

Give me the juicy details

I have been working for a long time on my personal happiness, so I decided to write a little this week on being compassionate to ourselves about trying to find the elusive “happiness”. 

Usually, when people say they want happiness, it comes with stipulations. We don’t want to be mindlessly happy. If that were the case, we might all just decide to be heroine addicts. We want to be more satisfied with life. We want to focus on the positive more than the negative. When stated so plainly, it seems like an easy thing to do, right? Just focus on the positive; blambo! However, if it were that easy, all rich people would be happy, right? They have more to be happy about. But we all know the media coverage shows this just isn’t true and often seems like maybe money makes their lives worse. At least when you have a bad day, people aren’t stalking you.  

Human evolution has trained us genetically to notice the bad more than the good through the fight or flight, survival response. It is much riskier to think a bad thing is good, as opposed to mistaking the good for bad. Think about it. If your ancestors were out hunting or gathering but thought a predator was not bad, they would likely be killed and those genetics would have ended right there. You can read about our science here. This part of human evolution is important to mention, because we can get down on ourselves when we have trouble being positive. I’ve struggled with judging myself when I am having a bad moment, week, or even month. But if we can gently remind ourselves that genetically, our brains are hardwired to protect us, we can thank those responses for keeping us alive and then move on to think about something that makes us feel better. 

Considering the above, it is extremely important to consider our brain diets. Think about the food that you put into your body. If you eat healthier food for a week, and then slide back into eating greasy, heavy, or super sugary food; you will notice that your body is not super happy and possibly has bad side effects like a stomach ache, lack of energy, or even hormone fluctuations. I am not saying we shouldn’t eat what we like in moderation. It’s just that a diet of consistently unhealthy food is not going to make your body and mind healthy or feel good. While I also have experience with the temporary high of emotional eating, eating healthy food makes me feel much better over a longer period of time. I also get the satisfaction of feeling better mentally, emotionally, and physically.

If we use that same analogy, how often do we take stock of what we are feeding our brains or spend time thinking about? John Gottman has found that in relationships, couples need FIVE positive interactions or emotions to balance ONE negative one. This is also generally true; we need more positive ideas to cancel out one bad one.

If we naturally notice the bad more than the good, think about how important it is to put all of the good things into our minds. How often do we passively let the world around us saturate our awareness with the most horrifying and negative things that exist? This can be in the form of news, television shows, commercials, music (my personal weakness), books, and more. I am not saying it is realistic or good to be toxically positive or to erase all of the negative. But we can decrease the amount of negative we let in and consciously focus on things that makes us feel good.

Interesting fact: did you know that people who are angry, sad, or afraid, are much more likely to buy more stuff? While I hate that you must belong to an institution like a college to have access to free journal articles, here is an abstract from a study that shows this has been found again and again. 

As a business major, I’m probably neurotically aware of marketing. In America it is EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME. If you are watching a movie, commercial, or any video production; if you are listening to a radio station, ask yourself, “What are they selling?” and just as an interesting possible follow up question, “Who owns this station?” If you are watching TV or listening to the radio, and the next commercial is trying to sell you something, being upset makes you 300% more likely to purchase unnecessary consumer goods. It helps many companies to keep the general public in a state of unhappiness because that will make them money. SO, do yourself a favor, turn the damn thing off OR at least find a channel that makes you happy. 

Alternative actions to the above could be taking a walk outside, because movement helps our bodies feel good , which in turn makes our minds feel good. Or maybe you could call a friend or go see them, because strong and healthy relationships are very important contributions to human happiness.  Lastly, while being depressed, it is easy and natural to want to be alone. However, even extremely happy people who have never experienced depression and in general are happier than average, will have crippling anxiety and depression after spending long periods of time in isolation. The good news is that we are changeable. It is initially stressful to go out into public or to be with people after being alone for a long time, but the stress we experience in these times makes us stronger and happier in the future. 

So, these are just a few ways I started and have continued to maintain a certain level of satisfaction. If I can’t get to happiness, I aim for gratitude or satisfaction. Those are preferable to feeling negative. Happiness can be elusive, so I just try to do just a little better; something that is just a little closer to where I want to be. And then I say to myself, “Hey, look. We are a little closer right now than yesterday. Soon we will be even closer.” And that makes me feel even better, because progress is what matters. The journey of getting there will be never ending. I would argue that it is better focus on the progress that is right in front of us. If we are hyper focused on the mountain peak, the journey can seem overwhelming, miserable, or like constant failure. My reality is that my mountain peak is always evolving. If I can stay present and feel gratitude for my current path and progress, I can maintain a constant level of satisfaction that isn’t based in some far off future.

What are some small, intentional ways you bring positivity into your life? Have you noticed how media and marketing affect your mood? I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop a comment below!

Hope This Helps. Much Love,

Astrid