TLDR:

(too long, didn’t read)

• The Struggle to Be Authentic – Being your true self can feel risky, especially when it's easier to stay quiet and avoid conflict. But holding back means missing out on real connections.

• Why We Hide – Many of us learned early that speaking up could lead to rejection, judgment, or chaos. Avoiding vulnerability often feels like the safer option, even if it keeps us disconnected.

• The Many Ways We Hold Back – Whether it’s overanalyzing how we come across, making jokes to dodge deeper conversations, or refusing to ask for help, we all have ways of protecting ourselves.

• The Power of Vulnerability – Being unapologetically yourself is freeing. When you embrace who you are, you attract the right people and create more meaningful relationships.

• Small Steps to Authenticity – Learning to be yourself isn’t an overnight transformation. Start with self-compassion, find safe spaces, and take small steps toward showing up as the real you.

Give Me the Deets!

Give me the juicy details

The Quest

My goal for this year is to be authentically myself as much as possible. I know, some readers will think, “Ummmm, are you just fake all the time?” The resounding answer is no. lol And that’s because…

1. I am a bad liar—and that includes pretending to be someone else.

2. It takes way too much energy, and I barely have enough to wash my hair, let alone maintain a fake personality.

However, I do hold myself back. I keep my opinions to myself. I hesitate to fully express myself because it’s easier to observe than to be the one in the spotlight. It’s easier to stay quiet than to start a debate. Because let’s be real—being vulnerable takes effort. It takes courage to speak your mind, to start that conversation, or to show up as your whole, unpolished self.

So, this quest for authenticity has me digging into my own vulnerabilities—how I do or don’t expose my real self in different situations. And since I know I’m not the only one, let’s talk about why we hide, how we can stop, and why it matters.

Why We Hold Back

There is comfort in silence. No, really. It is cozy there. I grew up in an environment much like today’s social climate—aka flipping insane and ready to explode at any moment. (Yay!) Avoiding conflict wasn’t just a preference; it was a survival tactic.

Watching people argue is emotionally exhausting. The effort it takes to explain yourself, clarify, defend, re-clarify, and then still be misunderstood? Yeah…no thanks. Some days, I’d rather write a dissertation with a crayon than engage in yet another pointless debate.

And let’s not forget our beloved (heavy sarcasm) cancel culture, where saying the “wrong” thing feels like stepping on a social landmine. Oh, and the pressure to fit in—being either “too much” or “not enough” at all times. And just for fun, let’s sprinkle in that childhood memory of someone we loved telling us, explicitly or subtly, that we needed to be someone else.

Oh, but wait! There’s more! (Welcome to my TED Talk on overthinking—please take a complimentary anxiety brochure on your way out.)

The Many Ways We Hide Ourselves

There are shades of hiding—it’s not an all-or-nothing game. It’s not like you’re either completely fake or radically transparent (unless you’re that one person on social media who overshares to the point of concern).

Here are some of my personal favorites:

• Self-censoring ("Is this a safe space? No? Cool, I’ll just nod politely.")

• Adjusting your personality depending on the audience

• Using jokes to avoid deep conversations ("Haha, trauma—am I right?")

• Being the peacekeeper to avoid backlash or rejection

• Keeping friendships surface-level because being known feels risky

But this one…this one hits different:

• Emotional self-sufficiency as a defense mechanism.

I hate asking for help. Hate it. It makes my teeth hurt. And no, that’s not an exaggeration. (Okay, maybe a little.) But seriously, pretending I have it all together feels better sometimes.

Except it’s a trap. The truth? We can be independent AND still need people. (Ugh. I know. 😅)

The Power of Embracing Vulnerability

Living in the shadows of who we think we should be is just another form of self-imprisonment. It’s exhausting.

Being truly yourself is like a bright, unfiltered, chaotic but beautiful light that draws your people to you. You ever meet someone who is so unapologetically themselves that you can’t help but admire them? That’s the energy we’re going for here.

There is an unmatched freedom in owning your quirks, opinions, and emotions. The best part? When you start being your real self, the right people will find you. And the ones who don’t like it? Uhh…Buh-Bye! (Marie Kondo their judgmental energy right F*** out of here.)

Of course, this is easier said than done (writing it is simple—actually doing it? Yeahhh.). Vulnerability is a muscle, and like all muscles, you gotta work it out. Which means, yes, this growth-mindset space is officially your emotional gym.

So, Work it!! Gurl!! (Or guy. Or person. We don’t discriminate. Everyone is included.)

Living Authentically, One Moment at a Time

Here’s the reality check: this is a process—not an overnight transformation. No one wakes up and magically feels comfortable being seen in all their unfiltered glory (unless you’re Beyoncé 😍).

But we all deserve to be seen, heard, and valued for who we truly are.

Start small. Ask yourself:

• Where am I holding back in life?

• What part of me have I buried out of fear of judgment?

• How can I take one small step toward showing up as my true self today?

And if you feel brave enough—drop a comment below! Let’s be vulnerable together. (I promise I won’t judge you… unless you think ‘reply all’ is the best way to handle an email. Then we might have some words.)

Final Thoughts?

It’s scary to let people see the real you. But it’s also liberating as hell. And at the end of the day? That’s the kind of freedom worth fighting for. Am I right?!

Much love,
Astrid