TLDR

(too long, didn’t read)

• Navigating the Loaded Term "Moral": Acknowledging the complexity of the term "moral," I delve into the defensive reactions and questions it often provokes, pondering its significance in today's context.

• Reflection on Anger and Social Progress: Prompted by the angsty music of The Used, I contemplate the role of anger in social change, emphasizing the cyclical nature of progress and the tendency of humanity to separate itself.

• Challenging Identity Boundaries: Discussing the tendency to distance ourselves from others based on identity markers, I highlight the potential dangers of shallow or insecure identities in perpetuating divisions.

• Embracing Emotional Intelligence: While acknowledging the usefulness of anger in survival situations, I advocate for recognizing its underlying emotions and cultivating emotional intelligence to move beyond destructive anger.

• Inspiring Connection over Division: Sharing personal experiences and reflections, I aim to inspire individuals to transcend anger when it hinders personal and societal progress, advocating for empathy and unity.

Give Me the Deets!

Give me the juicy details

I know. The word “Moral” is loaded. Questions of “In whose opinion do we mean moral?”, “Who gave you the right to define “moral”?”, and the statement, “I disagree!” all are just some of the first thoughts that can come rushing to our defenses. I am not sure why but the emotion Anger was at the forefront of my mind this morning. It might have been prompted by The Used- one of my favorite bands- on my drive to work. The song “Revolution” came on and it's a pretty angsty tune, which led me into thoughts of social progress and how many people today think that the social violence we are experiencing translates into the end of days and that we are in “TIMES LIKE WE’VE NEVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE”. Okay, yes. This moment is special because it has never existed until now, and now, and now. You get it right? The moment you are reading now is not the moment you finished reading this now. The you now is not the you from yesterday or the you of tomorrow. The same can be said about every complex creature, or even simple creatures, or inanimate objects. So in that way this moment is special. The events that are taking place now are unique to this moment. Thanks time. 

However, social change has been happening for as long as humanity has existed. Social change, especially in large and complex systems, doesn't happen without friction and a bit of violence. All you have to do is open a history book to see that social progress happens with the up and down motion of an EKG. It’s almost as though we are alive together. One body. Even without violence, change comes in swings, a little this way and a little that. First we take a couple steps forward and then we go back. Sorry I am not trying to rhyme. It was an accident.

I don’t think that the friction and violence we are experiencing now are special. In fact I think it is a little too human, much like racism, sexism, or classism. We have a tendency to separate ourselves; if not within our own communities- then from other communities. Ideas like “This is my team.”, “This is who WE are.” , “They are different.”, “I am different” and “We are not the same.” are part of finding individual and group identities. In my last post I talked a bit about how dangerous our insistence of a shallow or insecure identity can hurt ourselves and others. Today I am caught thinking of the emotions we use to distance ourselves from others- mentally and physically. I am also thinking of how we get around these tendencies in order to bypass violence and anger in order to make individual and societal moral progress.

First and foremost, I want to note- I am not passing judgement on those groups and individuals who are angry- about anything. Most of this post is to do with my own personal experience of emotion- in myself, in my family, and communities I have been a part of. Not everyone has the same experiences or temperament- but I hope that in sharing my point of view I can inspire people to move past anger when it is not useful, i.e. hurting themselves and others, or keeping them separate when being with people could be world changing. 

Anger can be useful, obviously. When we experience anger, it starts in the part of the brain called the amygdala. Chemical reactions cause a burst of energy, heart rate increases, blood pressure increases as blood flows to the limbs, and our muscles get ready for action. This is super helpful when we are in life threatening situations. Thank you body for the amazing things you do to keep me alive. <3 Read more about the science behind anger here.

While we do not think consciously about how and when to get angry, Anger is called a secondary emotion because it follows initial feelings of fear, offense, disrespect, being trapped, pressured, forced, or attacked.  When we are not in a survival situation, recognizing these initial emotions is an important step in emotional intelligence.

 Without emotional intelligence, anger causes immense emotional and physical pain because it is not checked. I am sure that like me, you have either seen first, or second hand- the physical violence that comes with anger. I grew up in homes where anger with physical violence was used for control. Anger as it becomes abuse is physical domination by intimidation, yelling, posturing in a way that feels threatening, pushing, and slapping or punching. No matter what my or your personal opinion is on spanking, I am not talking about all spanking right now. Although losing control of emotions with children, especially because they are small and without power, I associate with my personal experience above. Losing control of your emotions- especially anger- with the people we love can be detrimental to our personal relationships and to our self esteem. How can you feel good about yourself knowing you are abusive? We have all hurt someone we love, directly or indirectly. The shame from these actions is not easy to be with.

While physical intimidation outside of outright violence is insidious and often under acknowledged, this morning I was mainly focused on how anger keeps us mentally separate from others. While anger and hatred do not always go hand in hand, the feeling of hatred is fueled by anger. This is because anger lends itself to self righteousness. I first confronted my own ideas/feelings of self righteousness while reading a really wonderful book titled “Infinite Life” by Robert Thurman. Self Righteousness is a big no no in most religions- especially Christianity. Self righteousness is so insidious. It sneaks in to fuel feelings of injustice and rightness. It is there to tell us how and why we are right and others are wrong. Self righteousness comes to our aid when we over identify with our thoughts and feelings.

Self righteousness is dangerous because it keeps us separate from others and ourselves. People we love and strangers alike cannot reach us. We can’t even reach our authentic selves if there are parts of us we refuse to acknowledge. Why? Self-righteousness cannot coexist with compassion. Without compassion for ourselves and for others, moral progress on the individual level and as a society is impossible. Some people say moral progress can be forced by government, but I think it must happen on the individual level. That is why I am writing this now. I think progress starts with you, dear reader. Becoming aware of our emotions is the first step to overcoming the negative parts of ourselves that impede compassion. Anger in itself isn’t bad. It is the unconscious over-identification with our emotions that keep us in a state of suffering. 

SO, just some things to ponder today. . . Who do you believe yourself to be? 

• Are you the thoughts you have- every thought you’ve ever had? Can you see that you are not in control over the stream of consciousness that is your mind? If you think you are, see if you can stop thinking- right now. Stop thinking. For the next minute- don’t think about anything at all. 

• If you think you are your thoughts- think about the worst thought you ever had. Do you get to leave that one out? Think of the best thought you ever had. Do you feel good about yourself for your thoughts? Have you ever had a thought about doing something nice and then just felt good about it without ever doing anything? ;) Don’t worry, me too.

• Are you the emotions you feel? Every emotion you’ve ever felt. Love, envy, pride, passion, anger, lust, loathing. Are you every emotion you have ever felt? Do you feel defined by them? Do you only choose to look at the emotions that make you feel good about yourself? Can you stop yourself from feeling any emotion at any time?

• Are you the accumulation of your actions? What is the worst thing you have ever done? What is the worst thing you have ever said to someone? Now think of the best thing you’ve ever done. Does the best thing cancel out the worst or visa versa? Now that you feel sorrow and regret about the worst thing, would you do it again? Now that you have done that action, do you feel like the same person you were before that action? Can you see that you have changed- and you are now a more empathetic person because you made a mistake?

After a bit of rumination, can you see yourself as ever changing? 

If you are not defined by your words, actions, emotions, or thoughts, what are you? I know, we want to say- “I am defined by all of these.” Okay- well what is the calculation? Each of us is the sole holder of our lives. We experience our emotions and thoughts the way no one else can. No one else knows what we are thinking and feeling without us trying to portray them in words and action. As I am sure you have experienced, the process of trying to make yourself known to others can be tedious, arduous, and create more feelings of vulnerability that are a whole other thing to get around.

What happens externally- the things we say out loud and actions we make whether directed at ourselves or others- can be judged by others and by ourselves. Will our actions and words be calculated based on our own judgements or others? Which judgement is closer to the truth?

As mysterious and complex as the being you are, everyone you judge and feel self righteous toward- is the same. Do you feel like an outsider could look at your life and tell you how to live it? Do you feel like a stranger could tell you the truth of who you are better than yourself? 

If your answer is no, how can you reasonably pass judgement on anyone else? How do you explain your supernatural ability to know the truth of other people you do not even personally know?

At this moment, I am not passing judgment on you; I am sharing with you what it is to be human. We are all of these things and more. With self awareness and emotional intelligence we can start to build more compassion for ourselves. Then, we can start to pass that on to others. This is the root of building better lives and better communities. With the anger and violence that is pouring in on us from every front, we can work past our ideas of self righteous judgement and build compassion for one another. This is where we take responsibility for our lives. In my humble opinion, this is the individual moral progress that is essential to societal moral progress.

I hope you feel unbound and confused. I hope you feel a little rocked and more open to the possibility of compassion. 

If this post made you think, challenged you, or resonated with you in any way, share it with a friend who might also find it valuable. Let’s spread the conversation about emotional intelligence, identity, and compassion!

SO Much Love,

Astrid